bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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