using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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