You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
