I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
