i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He better not be in your backpack
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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