I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
