therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
