So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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