Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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