you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
