Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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