it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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