This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
