I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
