if you like me you must not know who I am
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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