How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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