The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
