My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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