I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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