Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
