Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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