How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
