I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
