take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
