Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sarcasm needs its own font
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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