how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
