hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
