dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
