Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well most of my day revolves around power hour
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
