So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
