don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
