Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
