There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
