I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
