I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
