Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
only if we run a train.
done.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
