I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
