i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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