the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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