mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
