He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
