You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
