my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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