Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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