Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
