he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
