I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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