Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
