i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
