i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
