I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
