This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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